


i'll follow you into the dark.

by steelatoms



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Dancing, Demonic Possession, Dreams, Emotional, Episode s04e13 Egg Macguffin, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Family Feels, Feels, Getting Together, Grief/Mourning, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Jewish Ray Palmer, Love Confessions, M/M, Magic, Near Death, S4 AU, Sad, Sleeping Beauty Elements, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 16:25:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18664036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steelatoms/pseuds/steelatoms
Summary: Ray Palmer has a horrible choice to face.





	i'll follow you into the dark.

**Author's Note:**

> hi so im sad abt steelatom so i wrote this and made myself sadder

_ “You have to go,”  _ Ray’s voice was pleading as his body stood rigid, knife shaking in his hand as he attempted to fight the being in control of his limbs, “He’s going to make me kill you.”

 

There was a hint of desperation in his voice as he internally pleaded;  _ no, not him, not Nate. _

 

“No,” Nate stood his ground, stubborn as ever, “because I believe you, Raymond, are stronger than he is.”

 

For a moment, Ray believed it, and dropped the knife with a weak smile, which Nate returned, then he heard Neron’s awful, mocking laugh and his fist rammed hard into Nate’s face twice, topping it off with an uppercut which toppled his friend to the ground with a clatter and a groan of pain.

 

_ No,  _ Ray thought,  _ please, God, not him. _

 

“Nate,” he felt guilt and sorrow eat at him as he knelt down over his friend’s body,  _ “I’m so sorry.” _

 

Nate steeled up in self-defense at the next punch, resulting in an awful clanging sound as flesh hit metal,  _ “Why are you hitting me?” _

 

Ray cried out in both pain and regret with the next jab, which caused Nate to immediately steel back down in fear of hurting Ray, the next hit landing as hard as any other.

 

_ Defend yourself,  _ Ray begged,  _ Don’t let me kill you. _

 

More punches landed, and Ray’s eyes welled with tears as Nate begged,  _ “Ray, stop!” _

 

“I can’t!” Ray wept, landing another devastating hit, near enough knocking Nate out.

 

Neron telekinetically called the knife back to his hand, snarling, “ _ You can do this, just kill him.” _

 

_ “Please, please don’t make me do this!”  _ Ray sobbed, lifting the knife up high.

 

Nate mumbled, “F-Fight it, Ray.”

 

“I  _ can’t!”  _ Ray cried, “I can’t fight, he’s too strong!”

 

Nate’s eyes fluttered as he lapsed between consciousness and unconsciousness, “Y-You can fight this… I believe in you.” after a second, he sluggishly confessed,  _ “I love you, man.” _ __   
  


_ “Don’t.”  _ Ray’s hand trembled, “He’ll make me kill you.  Please don’t say you love me.”

 

Nate’s hand tenderly wrapped around the one holding the knife,  _ “It’s okay.   _ Look, you can fight this, okay?  Just-- listen t-to me, okay? I know you’re stronger than him,  _ you’re stronger, I know you and I love you and you’re strong…”  _ he coughed up a glob of his own blood, gasping out,  _ “You’re stronger…  _ y-you’re…” he broke off as he lost consciousness.

 

_ “N-Nate?”  _ Ray’s hand shook some more as Nate’s fell to the ground.

 

_ Oh, God, did I kill him? _

 

Neron replied, “ _ No, but you will.” _

 

_ “No!”  _ Ray yelled, “You c-can’t--”

 

Neron hissed,  _ “Give yourself to me and I will spare him.  Otherwise, your friend dies…” _ __   
  


“I-I--” Ray broke off, watery eyes roaming over Nate’s face,  _ “No..”  _ he murmured, “You’ll just hurt more people.”   
  


Neron replied, “Yes, yes I will.  So come on, Raymond. Indulge me. One man’s life versus the entire world.  What will you sacrifice?”   
  


_ “Nate is--”  _ he broke off with a sob, struggling against the force wanting to stab Nate as he laid in front of him, “H-He means a lot.”   
  


Neron realised with a cruel laugh, “You’re in love with him.”   
  


_ “Yes,”  _ Ray’s voice cracked, “And I can’t let you kill him.”

 

Once again, the devil on his shoulder, Neron growled, “So let me in.  Let me in, you human fool and I will bring this world to its knees.”

 

“I can’t let you do that either,” Ray let another tear fall, and with a yell of agony, took back control of his body as much as he could, “Can’t possess me if there’s not a body to possess!”

 

Neron was furious, “You can’t do this, you’re not strong enough!”   
  


“Well, not that you’d ever know this, but loving someone?  It can make you strong.” he thought of Nate, of his laugh, the way his eyes would light up when happy, the way his tongue would flick behind his teeth when anxious or upset, the nights they would stay up watching movies and talking, never once addressing the feelings between them, due to never feeling like they had to -- Ray wished now that Nate knew, knew just how much he loved him.

 

He would.

 

With another yell, Ray brought the knife down into his own gut, pain spreading white hot through his body, nerve endings feeling like they were on fire.  He fell to the side, tearing the knife out and stabbing himself once more, again in the gut and when he finally felt like he somewhat had control of his body again, he pulled the knife out and held it above his own chest, sparing one last look at Nate.

 

_ “I love you, buddy.”  _ he choked out, and was about to bring the knife down into his own heart when Constantine suddenly came rushing in.

 

He called,  _ “Squire, I wouldn’t if I were you!” _

 

“If…” Ray began, beginning to get a bit delirious from the bloodloss, “If I do this, Neron dies.  H-He can’t… can’t hurt anyone.”   
  


John came to kneel beside him, grabbing the knife away, “If yeh do this, he’ll just jump into the next available warm body.”

 

“I don’t…” Ray’s voice, “I don’t know what to do… Don’t let me hurt anyone.  Please John… I don’t want to hurt anyone. Please don’t let me...”

 

One of the mage’s hands rested in his hair, the other on his chest, “Don’t worry, mate.  I won’t.” his eyes rolled back and he began to whisper an enchantment.

 

_ “W-What--”  _ a wave of sudden agony caused Ray to break off into a scream, and as the pain spread, tearing him to pieces like he was being pulled apart by wild dogs, he thought he was for sure dying.

 

John fought the urge to stop, murmuring the spell despite Ray’s suffering, opting to use more intensity as he felt the magic travel through him, draining both him and the vessel before him.

 

Black smoke poured out of Ray’s mouth as the scientist convulsed, it travelling up in the air and screeching as it began to boil, jerking wildly.  When the smoke burned away with one last awful shriek, John finally stopped, slumping in exhaustion. In his lap, Ray passed out, either from Neron leaving his body or the blood loss, and John knew he had to get him to the medbay as soon as possible otherwise it would soon turn fatal.

 

_ “W-What did you do?”  _ Gary’s voice caught his attention suddenly, and he turned his head.

 

John knitted his eyebrows in confusion, “Gary?  What are you doin’ here, mate? ‘Ey, lend us a hand, will yer?”

 

“N-No.” Gary shook his head, “Neron, h-he--”   
  


John held his hands up, “He’s gone.  He’s dead. I stopped him. Now help me out, or Raymond here will die.”

 

“Neron  told me...” Gary choked, “He told me you all see me as a doormat, th-that all I am is a quick fuck, o-or a joke!”   
  


John’s expression softened, “Gary… you know that’s not true, right?”

 

“Yeah, like you didn’t just use me to move on from Desmond.” Gary snarked, and it sounded very uncharacteristic,  _ “Twice.” _ __   
  


John sighed heavily, “Look, I’m a complete twat.  I admit that. I treat people like shit, but Gary, you are  _ different.   _ You’re not me.”   
  


_ “I wanted to be.”  _ the agent’s voice broke.

 

John disagreed, “No.  No, you don’t want to be me, mate.  I’m callous, and an arsehole and I ruin people.  But you’re not like me, you’re kind, and helpful and  _ loyal _ .”

 

“Like a  _ dog?”  _ Gary asked.

 

The warlock shook his head, “Like a Legend.”

 

Gary’s expression softened, and tears welled in his eyes, “You really mean that?”

 

_ “I do.”  _ John promised, “Now, please.  Help me out here.”

  
Gary nodded, rushing over to help John pick up Ray, “What about Nate?”

 

As if on cue, the historian groaned, stirring, to which John replied, “Give him a minute, we need to get Gideon back online.” he tapped his comms link, “Z?”

 

_ “Yeah?”  _ Zari replied.

 

John explained, “There’s been a bit of a situation, I need you to rally the troops and meet back here as soon as possible.”

 

_ “Ray…?”  _ Nate groaned, eyes flickering open before immediately jumping to his feet at the sight of his friend,  _ “Oh God, Ray?” _

 

John advised, “Sit down, mate, you’ve had one hell of a arsekickin’.”

 

“Like hell.” Nate stepped to help them with Ray, but instantly stumbled, falling back down on his backside.

 

John commanded, “Stay there, mate.  We’ll get this sorted.” he and Gary took Ray to the medbay right before everyone couriered in.

 

“Nate, oh my God, what happened?” Zari rushed over, worry in her eyes.

 

Nate’s eyes filled with tears, “It’s Ray.”   
  


***

 

Ray didn’t remember this particular memory; usually when he drifted off, he saw Anna or Kendra or even Felicity, and was therefore reminded of his failures, but this time, he was lying next to Nate.

 

“Am I dead?” he asked.

 

Nate’s thumb stroked his cheek, “Do you feel dead?”

 

“I don’t know.” Ray replied, “I’m a scientist, I don’t exactly believe in an afterlife.”   
  


Nate’s eyes searched his face, “I thought you were Jewish?”

 

“I am, I just don’t let my religion come in between my scientific beliefs.” Ray explained, “I mean, I believe in God, I partake in Hanukkah and Yom Kippur but I still go on about the theory of evolution and brag about discovering cold fusion.  Though, since this is probably a dream, you probably know that.”

 

Nate smiled, “I like that about you, you don’t fall under one or the other.  You’re religious and you’re scientific. You’re everything, Ray Palmer.”

 

“Neron, did he--” Ray changed the subject.

 

Nate replied, “How do I know, I’m your subconscious?  I only see what you see, buddy!” his hand ran through Ray’s hair, “Well, a couple of things notwithstanding.”

 

“I am in love with you.” Ray admitted, “Real you, I mean.  I love you.”

 

Nate smiled, tears welling in his eyes, “Why did you never say, you dummy?”   
  


“I was scared, _ ”  _ Ray confessed, “Let’s be real here, I don’t exactly have luck in the romance department.”

 

Nate retorted, “I mean, neither do I.  But is that a reason for us to stop living our lives?”

 

“I don’t know.” the scientist explained, stroking Nate’s cheek, “I mean, I know it’s science, hormones and endorphins, but it’s one of the only things I can’t seem to work out.  Chemicals in the brain, things I’m  _ supposed  _ to understand, but I can’t.  Love’s always been a blind spot for me.  I guess that’s why I’m so crappy at it. I mean, I was a controlling  _ jerk  _ to Felicity, I was in denial about Kendra and I failed Anna.  I just… I didn’t wanna screw things up with you, either. I mean, me and Nora aren’t a good match, I figured you and Zari were just-- wait, are you and Zari…?”

 

Nate replied, “Dude, subconscious.  Can’t answer that, I’m afraid. But from what I can tell, I, well, Nate, the real Nate, loves you too.  In what way, it doesn’t really matter. I mean, love is love, right?”

 

“That’s pretty cheesy, you definitely  _ are  _ my subconscious,” Ray laughed for a moment, and when he sobered, “In case I don’t get to say it, I l--”

 

He was cut off when Nate pressed a finger to his lips, “Shh.  You can tell the real me when, and I mean  _ when,  _ you wake up.”

 

“Okay,” Ray promised, “I will.”

 

Pressing their foreheads together for a quick minute, Ray revelled in the moment, even if it was superficial.

 

***

 

In the medbay, a still injured Nate watched over Ray as Gideon went to work, the rest of the extended Legends watching.

 

“Gideon, how is he?” Nate asked, voice trembling as he smoothed back his hair.

 

The AI replied, “I have managed to stop the internal and external bleeding but unfortunately, Doctor Palmer has lost a lot of blood, plus he seems to have been drained of energy.”   
  


“That was Neron.” John sorrowfully admitted, “Separating them caused a bit of damage.” he rubbed his jaw, “I should’ve found another way.  I should’ve--”

 

Gary rested a hand on his back, “You did good.”   
  


_ “So did you.”  _ John gave a half-smile back.

 

Sara spoke up, “Ray, he’s strong.  He can survive this,” her voice wavered slightly, and Ava wrapped an arm around her shoulder securely.

 

Behind them, Zari and Charlie’s hands joined together, the former’s eyes filling with tears that she refused to let fall.  Nora and Mona held onto each other, seeking comfort in one another.

  
On his own in the corner stood Mick, a solemn, miserable look on his face; he wasn’t a crier, he never had been, but damn, he was almost near tears as he watched Nate grip Ray’s hand.

 

_ “Come on, buddy.”  _ Nate whispered, “You can do this, you can survive this.” he kissed Ray’s knuckles, “Come back to me, man, I need you.” jaw wobbling, he added,  _ “I love you.   _ You need to fight this, come on.” tears fell down his face, stinging his wounds but he couldn’t give a damn, “I can’t lose you too, Ray.  Please, please just hear my voice and come back to me.”

 

There was long silence then, one that was only broken by the heart monitor’s slow beeping slowing to a long, continuous noise.

 

_ “No.”  _ Nate gasped, looking up at Ray,  _ “God, no!”  _ he pressed his face into the nape of his neck, sobbing raspily, not caring about how much pain it was causing him just to stand.

 

Sara released a shaking gasp, stumbling into Ava’s arms, never usually one to weep, but still feeling the tears fall as Ava stroked her hair, holding back her own pain.  Zari sniffled, feeling Charlie’s grip on her hand tighten, the shapeshifter also crying as Ray had been one of the first to actually defend her and treat her as something more than a monster.

 

Nora fell to the ground, silently sobbing as Mona wrapped her arms around her in an attempt at comforting her; it didn’t work, but was still worth the try.

 

John mumbled to himself, “My fault,” as the tears welled, he hit his own arm, hissing,  _ “stupid, stupid killer!” _

 

The name his father had gave him for murdering his mother in childbirth stuck out to him, and he felt Gary take his hand, stopping him from hurting himself as he rested his face against his shoulder, his own tears falling.

 

Back in the corner, Mick looked down sorrowfully, a single tear rolling down his cheek as he thought about Ray -- stupid, obnoxiously positive  _ Haircut --  _ and how without him, it was only he and Sara, the last two left.

 

_ “Please, please Ray.”  _ Nate wept, near hysterical as he cupped his cheek, “Come back to me, okay.  Come back. W-We can go out, w-we can watch  _ Star Wars,  _ do whatever you want, buddy, please just come back to me.  I love you so much, come back…” he buried his face in Ray’s shoulder once more,  _ “Please come back.”  _ after no reply, he looked back up, “This a-always works.  Please, please work.” he pressed his lips to Ray’s,  _ willing  _ him to wake up, and when nothing happened, he screamed,  _ “Gideon!   _ You fix him, you bring him back to me, okay?”

 

Mick came out of the corner, resting a hand on his shoulder, “It’s too late, Pretty.”   
  


_ “Fuck you.”  _ Nate spat, whipping around and attempting to punch Mick, only to easily be stopped, the larger man grabbing his fist and pulling him close, “H-He’s not gone.   _ He can’t be gone.”  _ he wept against Mick’s shirt, the former Rogue staring downward, unable to do anything but silently hold onto Nate.

 

John slid down the wall, “It’s my fault.”

 

“Hey, no.” Gary sat beside him, resting his head on his shoulder, “I should never have considered working with Neron.  I shouldn’t--” he was cut off by John pressing a kiss to his forehead.

 

The Englishman pleaded, “Just don’t leave me, eh?”

 

“I won’t, not  _ ever.”  _ Gary promised, grabbing his hand.

 

Zari was still standing with Charlie, and the two exchanged a tearful look before pressing their foreheads together, trying to comfort each other in their sorrow.  Nora remained inconsolable, Mona holding onto her tighter. Ava and Sara turned away, both unable to stand looking at Ray’s body anymore.

 

With everyone distracted by their own outpourings of grief, growing louder and more painful by the second, nobody noticed the small blip in the heart monitor, or heard Ray’s soft exhale, or saw the way his eyes flickered open.

 

Taking in the scene around him, the scientist weakly joked,  _ “Hey, who died?”  _

 

Almost everyone in the room jumped, looking Ray’s way, Nate’s expression suddenly changing to confusion, with a hint of relief.

 

_ “R-Ray?”  _ he asked, tentatively, doubting his own eyes.

 

The scientist gave a weak nod, “It’s me, buddy.  I-I heard you. I came back.”

 

_ “Ray!”  _ Nate rushed over, throwing his arms around Ray, pulling back when he heard him wince, “S-Sorry.  I thought--” he hiccuped a sob, “I thought I--”

 

Ray’s hand came up to cup his cheek, “I’m here.  I’m alive.”

 

“God, I fucking love you!” Nate admitted, surging forward to join their mouths in a bittersweet kiss.

 

Around them, Mick stumbled with a sigh of relief, actually smiling for once whilst Sara and Ava hugged and kissed, crying happy tears.  Zari and Charlie looked up from their joined hands before leaning in to also kiss and Mona and Nora laughed happily, exchanging looks of adoration and joy.

 

John felt a few tears slip down his cheek as he gave a small, relieved laugh, Gary holding onto him tightly.

 

When Nate pulled away from the kiss, Ray responded, “I love you, Nate.  I really, really,  _ really  _ love you.” he suddenly realised, “Wait.  Neron.”

 

“Dealt with him, mate.” John explained, “He won’t be bothering us ever again.”

 

Charlie spoke up, “I say this calls for a celebration, at least, when Rayge here’s given the thumbs up from Gideon!  Who’s with me?”

 

“If the world doesn’t end in the meantime,” Sara remarked, “A party sounds pretty awesome!”

 

Ray smiled, “Well, you know me,  _ party animal.” _

 

***

 

Ray was given the all-clear by Gideon a few days later, and almost immediately, Charlie threw a party in celebration, having wanted to do so since Ray woke up.

 

Zari and Charlie danced, tentatively trying to work out what the feelings were between them whilst Ava and Sara watched with proud looks on their faces.

 

“You owe me $20, since Nate and Zari did  _ not  _ hook up.” Ava remarked to her girlfriend.

 

Sara rolled her eye, handing Ava a note, “You happy?”

 

“Perfectly, babe.” Ava grinned, then offered her hand, “So, shall we dance?  I feel like sweeping you off your feet tonight.”

 

Sara smirked, accepting her offer, “Ava Sharpe, you always do.”

 

As the two headed out onto the dancefloor, John and Gary exchanged looks, the Englishman shaking his head, “I don’t bloody dance.”

 

“Good, neither do I,” Gary smiled, “two left feet.”

  
John nodded, grinning devilishly, “Besides, Gary,” he cupped his cheek, leaning down for a lingering kiss, “I think there’s another kind of dancing we could get up to...”

 

_ “Sexy tango?”  _ Gary asked, earning a small laugh before he was tugged up and out of the Time Bureau hall.

 

Across the hall which was swarmed by agents sat Nora, who couldn’t help but notice the agents staring at her and gossiping; Mona made her way over, noticing her discomfort.

 

“Hey.” she smiled, offering the other woman a drink, “Tough crowd, hey?”

 

Nora took the glass, “They still see me as a murderer.  Maybe I belong in jail.”

 

“I killed people too,” at Nora’s confused look, Mona explained, “Oh, Konane turned me into a Kaupe too, but by accident.” when the witch nodded, Mona added, “I mean, I could tell you all about it, o-or we could just talk… over dinner sometime?”

 

Nora narrowed her eyes, “Mona Wu, are you asking me on a date?”   
  


“Yeah.” Mona nodded, “And you’re, like, the first girl I’ve ever asked out and considering my last boyfriend was basically a werewolf… well, I know what my mother would prefer me to date, but you know what?   _ Screw her!   _ I am a grown woman, I know what I want, who I like and who I want to--” she was cut off when Nora’s lips crashed against hers, initially freezing in shock but relaxing into it with a smile, hands running through the other woman’s hair.

 

When they breathlessly broke apart, Nora smiled, “Yes, I’ll go out with you, idiot.”   
  


“Okay, great.” Mona smiled, “But could we go back to kissing?  I liked that.”   
  


Nora replied, “I liked it too,” then slanted her mouth back over Mona’s with a grin.

 

Mick stood alone at the food table, bottle in one hand, sausage roll in the other as he watched his friends; the witch and the kid were making out, new girl and fake Amaya were dancing, kissing and laughing, as were the boss and Blondie, and Trenchcoat and Time Geek were nowhere to be found.

 

Mick felt a little lonely, but remembered that thanks to Charlie, he was now known as Rebecca Silver, and people actually cared about and  _ loved  _ him.  It was all he ever wanted, for his books, his  _ passion,  _ to be loved, and part of him wished that Snart was around so he could get his thoughts on it all.

 

Part of him wondered if Snart would’ve laughed, but another knew that his friend also had a gentle, loving side, that wherever he was now, he died with love in his heart and humanity within him.  If he could make it and redeem himself, there was hope for Mick too.

 

Nate and Ray arrived at the party arm-in-arm, with Nate’s co-workers and all of their time family, sans John and Gary, of course, cheering when they saw him.  Ray gave a giant grin, turning to Nate.

  
“I love you, you know that, right?” he said, beaming.

 

Nate leaned up, pressing his lips to Ray’s before replying, “I love you too, man.  Always.”

 

Their foreheads pressed together for a quick moment before they decided to go join their friends at the party, relieved that whilst their fight wasn’t over, fugitives still run amok over the timeline, they had defeated Neron and for once, everything felt like it was going to be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> please comment/kudos/subscribe and follow me on twitter @steelatoms and tumblr @bisexualseg-el yeehaw


End file.
